For the second installment in my series where I explain songs that I have written I am going to cover a song called "Hold Me In". First off, the lyrics...
cover up the scars that mark your back
pretend I'm not here and I don't see
we both know the truth of who I am
we both know I'm not leaving by your hands
this is how I know you
you hold me in
this is how I know you
you hold me in
crawl into the hole inside your heart
make believe that your free and not hostage
we both know the truth of who I am
we both know I've got you in my grasp
this is how I know you
you hold me in
this is how I know you
you hold me in
don't believe that He could have felt the same
don't believe that He ever felt your pain
never realize the calling for which you were made
This song basically summarizes many of the struggles I go through with my personality and how I think. I am quite often ruled by anxiety, depression, and anger. I often let these emotions stay bottled up and I keep them to myself thinking that I should be able to handle it and fix it myself. Many times when I do this if deeply affects many relationships I have including my marriage, my relationship with my kids, and most importantly my relationship with God. And so the verses both talk about this conscious knowledge that I am sometimes ruled by these emotions, but that I try to ignore them or fix them myself, and quite often I fall flat on my face in failure. The chorus, "this is how I know you, you hold me in" is kind of a statement from the perspective of the spirit of depression or anxiety that the reason I continue to struggle with it is because I hold it in. I keep it to myself thinking I can fix myself. I don't reach out to God for help to deal with the issue. I don't seek God in the matter at all, nor do I seek help from others, but I try my hardest to deal with it myself. This has classically been a downfall in my personality that leaves me completely incapacitated every once in a while. Shut up in my bedroom not wanting to talk to anyone, doing anything, go anywhere, see anyone, etc.
In the bridge.. "don't believe that He ever felt the same, don't believe that He ever felt your pain, never realize the calling for which you were made"... Basically just restating the idea of forgetting who God has called me to be and letting myself be ruled by these powerful emotions, instead of being ruled by the Spirit of God. Two scriptures stick out to me that have helped me through dealing with these issues...
Romans 8:12 - 17
Therefore, brothers, we have an obligation—but it is not to the sinful nature, to live according to it. For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.
Hebrews 2:10-18
In bringing many sons to glory, it was fitting that God, for whom and through whom everything exists, should make the author of their salvation perfect through suffering. Both the one who makes men holy and those who are made holy are of the same family. So Jesus is not ashamed to call them brothers. He says,
"I will declare your name to my brothers; in the presence of the congregation I will sing your praises." And again, "I will put my trust in him." And again he says, "Here am I, and the children God has given me." Since the children have flesh and blood, he too shared in their humanity so that by his death he might destroy him who holds the power of death—that is, the devil — and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death. For surely it is not angels he helps, but Abraham's descendants. For this reason he had to be made like his brothers in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people. Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.
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