The Undetected Sacredness Of Circumstances

My favorite devotional book is one written by a man named Oswald Chambers called "My Utmost For His Highest". The man was utterly a genius. This book is a year long devotional with a message for each day. There have been multiple times when whatever Chamber's wrote for a particular day seem to be speaking directly to me. It's spooky sometimes.

One of those particular days came a while back on November 7. The days devotion was entitled The Undetected Sacredness Of Circumstances. The verse he uses as basis for the devotion is from Romans 8:28. Click the link above and read it for second then come back here...

Alright, did you get all that? The thing that struck me at least at the time of reading this passage was how dead on it was for how my life has been going. I remember on November 7th that I was having a lousy day at work, and I read this passage on my lunch break. I laughed out loud in my car as I read it the first line... "The circumstances of a saint's life are ordained of God". I even said out loud... "God you gotta be kidding me!" It was like Oswald was in the car with me. Me and Os. Sitting in my sweet Alero on my lunch break. I digress...

The thing is about getting caught up in trying to control the circumstances God puts us in instead of letting God control them. All our call is just to live the way God has designed us to live and let Him do the work around us. Oswald says it best...

"Am I making the Holy Spirit's work difficult by being indefinite, or by trying to do His work for Him? I must do the human side of intercession, and the human side is the circumstances I am in and the people I am in contact with. I have to keep my conscious life as a shrine of the Holy Ghost, then as I bring the different ones before God, the Holy Spirit makes intercession for them."

So that is why I am in the circumstances I find myself in. I am where I am because God put me there for some reason that I really have no business trying to figure out. All my call is to just live the way He made me to live wherever He has placed me.

There will be more from Oswald Chambers in future posts. The man is incredible. My favorite quote from his wikipedia page is...

"But during this time, Chambers did not find satisfaction in Christianity, finding the Bible 'dull' and uninspiring. Finally, after four years of spiritual dryness, Chambers realized that he couldn't force himself to be holy. Once he realized that the strength and peace he was looking for was Christ himself, Christ's life in exchange for his sin, he experienced great renewal so much so that he described it as a 'radiant, unspeakable emancipation.'"

"Daddy, why are you always mad?"

That was the very question my young son Derek asked me a few weeks back. I couldn't really give him a good answer. My first reaction was to become defensive. That's right I got angry with my 5 year old son about him asking me why I was always angry. I don't know what it is really that drives me to this point. I can't really put a finger on it. I sometimes blame it on work, or being tired, or just stress in general, but it's never the real excuse. It seems to come in phases as well. I will be go through these times when I am just on edge, angry, or stressed about something. Hiding it around other people is easy. Hiding it around my family is impossible. So what is it that drives me to this point?

The more I think about it, I think it is a general sense that I have of being a failure in every area of life. Spiritually, relationally, physically, and mentally. Whether I really am a failure or not is not the issue. It's the feeling I have and no matter what people tell me I have a lot of trouble shaking it. I know how I am in reality. I know my thoughts. I know my actions. I know what I say I believe. I can see the where none of these things line up. This to me equals failure. Am I the only one that feels like this?

There is this voice that screams loudly in my head. The voice nags me seemingly 24 hours a day, telling me that I am no where near good enough. That I will never be good enough. It tempts me to quit. To literally quit. My job, my family, my beliefs. Quit it all and give up because you will never be what you need to be in those areas. You fail as a husband. You fail as a father. You fail as a son, and brother. You fail as an employee. You fail as a follower of Christ.

Since I am a lover of music, I often look to songs to help me through whatever I am dealing with. One song in particular that really states how I feel is by Shane&Shane (who else?) called "Embracing Accusation". The one line in the bridge that just about reduces me to rubble everytime is... "the devil singing over me, and age old song, that I am cursed and gone astray... singing the first verse so conveniently over me, he's forgotten the refrain 'Jesus Saves'!"

It's so hard to block out that voice of accusation, and it is hard to grasp on to the truth of Jesus saving us in all areas of life. I can't hear those words enough. I need to hear them from the moment I wake up in the morning, to the moment I lay down again at night. God be with me and remind me all the time that you have saved me from these failures that I latch onto. Help me to let them go.

One

Ok so here is my first blog post. I am hoping to make this blog function as a sort of journal for my life. What I am thinking, how I am feeling, issues I am struggling with, and all that. I couldn't care less if anyone reads this, I basically just need somewhere to get some stuff out. So here goes...