Does anyone else feel this way? Does anyone out there know what it is exactly that they are looking for? I often feel like I am waiting for someone to say something to me that is going to completely change my life. Maybe an artist I like will write a song or say something that completely changes my view on life. Maybe a pastor somewhere will give a sermon that will turn my life upside down and I will suddenly know how to live the Christian life the way it is supposed to be lived. I will be the complete father, the complete husband, the complete employee, son, friend, musician, reflection of Christ... etc... etc.
I get the feeling that I will never see this come to pass.
Don't get me wrong. I have had those mountain top moments when I heard something said, some amazing point made, some truth spoken, that got me all revved up and ready to go out and save the world and be an amazing witness for Christ. Those mountain top moments, as we all know, fade away and real life sets back in, and I find myself waiting for that next mountain top moment. But what is it that keeps me from being on the mountain all the time? Oh man, this is heading for some cheesy cliches real quick.
Let's put it this way... what am I waiting to hear that I haven't heard already? What am I waiting to hear that is going to flip some switch in my head and make me into a super Christ follower? I have heard the truths of Christ and His sacrifice for the world He loved, for the people He loved, for the person He loved. I can say out loud that I believe these truths. I can talk it with my friends and family, and make an attempt at passing these on to my kids. But it seems like a constant struggle to cling to that belief and not look for truth in something, or someone else.
I guess what I am saying is that I have heard and believed that Christ' sacrifice was (is) enough for me. But do I really believe it? I mean really, really, really believe it to my core? I don't think our 7 step systems to the happiest, most fulfilling, Christian life ever, or the quick happy meal sermons with nicely packaged little nuggets of how to live my life better are ever going to bring me closer to God, or make me believe more. I will end by referring to a previously quoted quote from a quote of Oswald Chambers. That sentence didn't really make sense, but anyway...
"But during this time, Chambers did not find satisfaction in Christianity, finding the Bible 'dull' and uninspiring. Finally, after four years of spiritual dryness, Chambers realized that he couldn't force himself to be holy. Once he realized that the strength and peace he was looking for was Christ himself, Christ's life in exchange for his sin, he experienced great renewal so much so that he described it as a 'radiant, unspeakable emancipation.'"
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