Worship

2 Samuel 6:5 - "David and the whole house of Israel were celebrating WITH ALL THEIR MIGHT before the Lord..."
2 Samuel 6:14 - "David, wearing a linen ephod, danced before the Lord WITH ALL HIS MIGHT..."
2 Samuel 6:16 - "And when she (Michal, David's wife) saw King David leaping and dancing before the Lord, she despised him in her heart..."
2 Samuel 6:21,22 - "I will celebrate before the Lord. I will become even more undignified than this..."

Do you celebrate with all your might before the Lord, or do you look on at those who do and despise them?.... Just a quick note from a worship leader... It'd make my job way more fun if we all worshipped WITH ALL OUR MIGHT before the Lord!

Hope

Sometimes the brokenness of the world just seems to be too much. Maybe I'm just getting older and my mortality is becoming more real. Maybe the feeling of invincibility from youth is starting to wear off. Maybe I am just starting to realize how broken this place we call home really is.

Seems like the number of heartbreaking stories I hear is on the rise. The number of success stories is in steep decline. At least once a month I hear another story about someone being diagnosed with cancer. Every couple months I hear a story about a pregnancy or delivery that goes terribly wrong and the child is born with severe health problems, or is not born at all. Every once in a while you get the sudden death of a loved one, or one of your friend's loved ones, or one of your friends, or your friend's friend...etc, etc. You turn on the tv for more than 1 minute and you'll see a tragic story about death, or genocide, or natural disasters that kill in the hundreds, thousands, tens of thousands, or even the hundreds of thousands... the numbers and the stories become too much for me. They become unreal in a way.

When was the last time you lost someone? Are you losing someone? Are you losing yourself?

My grandma Rose died a few years back. While I wasn't close with my grandmother, seeing the reaction of all my aunts and uncles and my mom, all her children... it was terrible. I sang at the funeral. My mom asked if I'd sing "The Old Rugged Cross". I barely made it through the song. Not because I was in mourning as much as I felt like I had a front row seat to watch a room full of people mourn. I don't know if that song helped them or not, but I certainly hope it got them through that.

When I was in high school my best friend Rob Mason was killed in a tragic car accident along with another young girl. There was another young guy in the car as well named Doug. From my understanding of what happened, when the car crashed Doug was thrown from the car and that is basically why he survived because the car then exploded into flames. I can remember the look on Doug's face at the funeral. I can remember the look on the face of my best friend's mom. I can remember how his little sister seemed to understand what happened, and his little brother didn't. I can remember being a pallbearer and helping to carry out his casket. I can remember when they lowered my friend's casket into the ground. I was 15.

I guess I don't know where this post is going, but to say this... I don't know how anyone makes it through this life without a faith and hope that comes from believing in the one and only God who loves us.

I don't believe having that faith makes it easier to be here, but it certainly increases the longing for the place where we know we should be.

We weren't built for dying. We were built by two strong hands. My hope is in those hands.

Stop Trying So Hard...

So it's been a really long time since I posted anything on here and I've missed writing. Writing has a feeling of therapy to it sometimes and I've needed. I don't have a lot to say really, but it seems like a lot of life has happened.

My wife and I welcomed our 4th child about 5 months ago and I started a new full time job at the same time. The combination of these 2 life changes has kept me extraordinarily busy, and a lot of things I like doing such as writing (blogs and songs), recording, playing shows and all things music related have suffered. However I don't mind so much because I love my family. My kids and my wife bring me more joy than writing music for you all. I'm sorry but that's just the truth.

I've also learned a hard lesson it feels over the last couple years. I keep waiting for this ... this something... some event, some thing that's going to happen and it's going to blow my mind and change my life... and that "it", whatever "it" is, just never happens. But I keep waiting for "it". For a long time it was this idea that I was going to be discovered as a musician and that I'd be picked up and whisked away from this life I have here and I'd be a famous musician touring America spreading my music and message. While it's not bad to want to spread the gospel through music... I wasn't thinking about that. I was just trying to not be a victim of my circumstances. My circumstances being that I am married father of 4 with a full time job that isn't exactly what I want to do all my life so I keep hoping for this "something" this "it". I really feel like my waiting for this thing to come along has caused damage to the family I have. It makes them feel like they are holding me back. My wife has said as much.

Have you ever wanted something so bad that it hurt? I was telling myself that I wanted to be doing this for God, all the while I occasionally dragging my family through trials because I can't stop whining that I don't get to have my way. All the while, God has blessed me amazingly with beautiful kids, a beautiful wife, a job that pays the bills, and generally just way more than I could possibly deserve.

I guess I'm not sure what I'm saying here... While I am still writing music and trying to record it so that I can give it to you... It's not my goal to write songs that will please everyone, and I am not planning on kicking them out on a regular basis. I'm not going to force anything in regards to writing / recording / performing music. I want to write songs that will be pleasing to my Heavenly Father, and I want to be a father / husband that reflects what that Heavenly Father wants for me.

I really feel like God has been telling me to let go of a lot of things lately. One of them being music. He's not telling me to give it up... not at all, but I do feel like I need to let go of this fretting and calculating and trying as hard as I can to make something of myself. If God wants it, it will happen. In the meanwhile, live and be a witness for Him where I am.

He's also telling me to relax in regards to how I am pursuing Him. I've been in this ridiculous dry spell lately in my relationship with God. It's hard to read and be in the Word. It's hard to spend time in thought and prayer. I just can't seem to get my mind to go deep lately. I am too consumed with life, work, family, music... etc, etc, etc... It's been unbelievably frustrating, and I have no idea what to do with life right now. All days seem to be filled with frustration and tension and discomfort. I want to have a that really close relationship with God, and I think He knows my heart well enough to know that I'm being honest with Him. I want that relationship, but life seems to crazy right now to achieve it. Then I hear him saying (through various friends voices) ... "Relax. Slow down and live for me where you are. Stop trying so hard."...

So anyways, all this is to say, God is good to me. He is more than I deserve. Lord help me to relax and enjoy the blessings you have given me and the place you have me at in life right now. Use me today and tomorrow and whenever and wherever you need me and move in me in a new way today Lord. Help me to reflect you to my family and to those I come in contact with. Lord use the gifts you have given me and the abilities you have blessed me with to accomplish what you want. Take my motives and desires out of it, and change them so that my only desire is to please you. I love you Lord. Give me the desire to only want you in this life, and to give you to others.

I feel like this post was kind of random and all over, but that seems to be my life right now... Thank you Lord for it.