My Utmost - Oct 2, 2009

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The Sphere Of Humiliation

Mark 9:22
“If Thou canst do anything, have compassion on us, and help us.”

Key Passages

• After every time of exultation we are brought down with a sudden rush into things as they are where it is neither beautiful nor poetic nor thrilling.

• The height of the mountain top is measured by the drab drudgery of the valley; but it is in the valley that we have to live for the glory of God.

• We see His glory on the mount, but we live for His glory there.

• When you were on the mount you could believe anything, but what about that time when you were up against facts in the valley?

My Own Thoughts

I love these readings because they seem to catch me right where I am at. No phrase could sum up my life and this reading better than that third key passage. “We see His glory on the mount, but we live His glory there (in the valley).” Those mountain top moments are great because they captivate us to who God really is and to His amazing power. If all we ever received were the mountain top moments how could we ever be brought to a choice about trusting God or not. He wants us to trust Him and be drawn to Him at all times, not just when its made easy for us. I am right in that valley right now. It seems I am shown more and more each day just how selfishness and self-seeking I am lately. I am really struggling with this sin. It is the one sin that permeates my entire being and leads to all other sins.

Dear Lord and Heavenly Father, you are amazing and I thank you for giving me mountain top moments where I am quite nearly forced to believe in you. I thank you also for the dark moments in the drab valley where I must believe you to survive. I thank for those moments because they make you more real than even the mountain top moments. Forgive me for my selfishness Lord. I have sought only myself and my own comfort. Open my eyes to the needs of those around me. Help me to live in your Kingdom God.

Poetry... It Could Suck, But What Do I Care...

Rummaging around on my computer and straightening up file folders and what not, I ran across these old bits of poetry that I wrote long, long ago. They could really suck, but oh well. Just thought I would share them for the fun of it. Enjoy...

This Love
--------------------
Decisions are made each new day
some weigh heavier than others
but none sit so heavy
as the decisions we make on who to love
to genuinely love someone
despite their flaws
leaves us more vulnerable and dangerous
than any other time in our lives
love is a dangerous business
on either side of the spectrum
leave yourself open to attack
or crush someone with a word
but I wouldn't have it any other way
because love is more than dangerous
its alive and vibrant and active
and it can save the very soul of a man

much like this love has done for me
exactly as this love has done in me

to be accepted completely
despite the faults I contain
and my problematic temperament
is all that I can ask of no one
but I didn't have to ask of you
there was no working towards your acceptance
no attempts to get in your good graces
you look at me as lost and scattered
looking for the shepherd,
trying to be my own
trying to get back to no-mans land
trying to get back home

much like this love can do for me
exactly as this love has done in me


Time Spent
--------------------
time spent is time fast
and with you it moves quicker
enough can not grant

Marriage
--------------------
sometimes life gets the best of us
and other times we get the best of each other
sometimes we can't get enough
and other times we take too much


Stronghold
--------------------
You are a light on a hill unblemished
before a valley of darkness spreading
never yielding in beauty untarnished
or strength unmatched until time unending
you are my song and thy glory I praise
wild hearted savior, which can't be tamed
brilliant and terrible, shines thy face
both piercing the heart, and raising the shamed
mighty rock on which I will place my feet
the arms that hold me fast despite my fears
the mercy of which my sins match will meet
with thy wounded hand, wipe away my tears
freedom and life as meant to have been told
this is my hearts cry, you are my stronghold

My Utmost - Oct 1, 2009

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The Sphere Of Exultation

Mark 9:2
“Jesus leadeth them up into a high mountain apart by themselves.”

Key Passages

• We have all had times on the mount, when we have seen things from God's standpoint and have wanted to stay there; but God will never allow us to stay there.

• The test of our spiritual life is the power to descend; if we have power to rise only, something is wrong.

• It is a great thing to be on the mount with God, but a man only gets there in order that afterwards he may get down among the devil-possessed and lift them up.

• We are not built for the mountains and the dawns and aesthetic affinities, those are for moments of inspiration, that is all.

• We are built for the valley...

• Spiritual selfishness always wants repeated moments on the mount.

• The mount is not meant to teach us anything, it is meant to make us something.

• The moments on the mountain tops are rare moments, and they are meant for something in God's purpose.

My Own Thoughts

I guess I should have just copied the whole reading for today into my key passages section. This reading was great I thought, and really seemed to hit me hard. For quite a while it has seemed as though those mountain top moments were really the only thing keeping me going. I'd get one and be able to survive my daily life for a while, and right when it begins to feel like I am not going to make it God lifts me up and gives me one more of those moments. Those glimpses into who He is and what He is doing.

I've had a really hard time admittedly living in the “demon-possessed” valley for quite some time now. I don't feel like I am lifting anyone up. I think I am spiritually selfish. I've been looking to see what I can get from following God. Not what I can give to others to show them how much God loves them. I think a lot of us do this. We get so wrapped up in finding our own peace, safety, salvation, etc,... that we forget to look after others who need God in their lives. Jesus didn't come here preaching a gospel of self help, and he didn't come here preaching sermons on how to feel good about yourself. He came here and taught on what it means to live in the Kingdom Of God. Living in the Kingdom Of God couldn't be more opposite from living in the kingdom of Rick. Living in the Kingdom Of God involves righting the wrongs that we see day in and day out in the lives of those we come in contact with, and even in the lives of those we don't necessarily coming in contact with. It's not about trying to find peace & comfort, or health & wealth in our own lives. It's about trying to bring those things to those around us, and trusting that someday we may find that God has given us that in return. To live in the Kingdom Of God is to bring it to those in the demon-possessed valley.

Dear Father in Heaven, I praise you Father for being a God who cares about the least of these, and wants us all to live in your Kingdom. I pray that your Kingdom would come down, and that you would use me as a vessel and messenger of that Kingdom. Give me what I need to fulfill this purpose Lord, and only you know fully what it is that I need so I leave that in your hands. Forgive me for living for myself and showing no concern for those I come in contact with. Lead me out of the temptation to follow my own desires and my own heart. Give me the ability to follow your heart for others. This is your world and your kingdom Lord, and all the glory and renown belong to you Lord.

My Utmost - Sept 30, 2009

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http://www.myutmost.org/09/0930.html

The Commission Of The Call

Colossians 1:24
“Who now rejoice in my sufferings for you, and fill up that which is behind of the afflictions of Christ in my flesh for His body's sake.”

Key Passages

• We make calls out of our own spiritual consecration, but when we get right with God He brushes all these aside, and rivets us with a pain that is terrific to one thing we never dreamed of, and for one radiant moment we see what He is after, and we say - “Here am I, send me.”

• This call has nothing to do with personal sanctification, but with being made broken bread and poured out wine.

• If ever we are going to be made into wine, we will have to be crushed; you can not drink grapes.

• I wonder what kind of finger and thumb God has been using to squeeze you, and you have been like a marble and escaped?

My Own Thoughts

A lot of this one is over my head. Sometimes old Os rights a little too thick for my pea brain to comprehend. But I at least got a few things from it, and the main question I have is exactly that last key point. What area is God working on in my life that I have proven elusive to being crushed in? Where am I not allowing God to work in my life and to change me for His use?

God show me where I am not allowing you to work. Break through my sometimes thick skull Lord and show me where I am not allowing you in. Make me into broken bread and poured out wine for your kingdom Lord.

My Utmost - Sept 29, 2009

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The Consciousness Of The Call

1 Corinthians 9:16
“For necessity is laid upon me: yea, woe is unto me if I preach not the gospel!”

Key Passages

• We are apt to forget the mystical, supernatural touch of God.

• The realization of it (the Call Of God) in a man's life may come with a sudden thunder-clap or with a gradual dawning, but in whatever way it comes, it comes with the undercurrent of the supernatural, something that cannot be put into words

• At any moment there may break the sudden consciousness of this incalculable, supernatural, surprising call that has taken hold of your life - “I have chosen you.”

• If you have been obliterating the great supernatural call of God in your life, take a review of your circumstances and see where God has not been first, …

• If you agree with God's purpose He will bring not only your conscious life, but all the deeper regions of your life which you cannot get at, into harmony.

My Own Thoughts

“If you agree with God's purpose He will bring not only your conscious life, but all the deeper regions of your life which you cannot get at, into harmony.”

Dear Father in Heaven, I agree with your purposes. I have heard your voice and feel your call on my life. It is exactly as said here... a supernatural tugging on my heart that I can't deny. I do feel like I've been chosen by you. I want so badly to feel like all things have been pulled into harmony in my life. I know I am covering over your supernatural call at times by putting my own desires first. God, forgive me for putting myself and my desires before you and yours, and send your Spirit to fill me and pry my hands open so that I am not grasping for whatever it is I think I have gotten on my own. Let me hear your voice once again Father. Speak once again to me, to my heart, for its open wide. I am here to hear your beautiful voice.

My Utmost - Sept 28, 2009

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The “Go” Of Unconditional Identification

Mark 10:21
“One thing thou lackest... come, take up the cross and follow me.”

Key Passages

• … He puts absolute annihilation of my right to myself and identification with Himself – a relationship with Himself in which there is no other relationship.

• The look of Jesus will mean a heart broken forever from allegiance to any other person or thing.

• Where you are “soft” with God is where the Lord has looked at you.

• The only “good thing” from Jesus Christ's point of view is union with Himself and nothing in between.

• I must reduce myself until I am a mere conscious man, I must fundamentally renounce possessions of all kids, not to save my soul (only one thing saves a man – absolute reliance upon Jesus Christ) – but in order to follow Jesus.

My Own Thoughts

Renouncing possessions is no easy task. I like all the cool stuff I have. Guitars, computers, vehicles, our house.... all my toys. I often question myself if I could easily let go of all the stuff I have if I had to, to follow Jesus. I mean I am following him now, but I question myself on where He ranks somedays. And this doesn't just relate to physical possessions. It relates to immaterial stuff like my self image, the image I portray to others. Do I care more about the reflection of Christ I am being to those around me, than I care about my self image or reputation, or my toys? It's a question I think that needs asking each and every day, and every hour of each day. I think we have to constantly realign our interest and desires so that Christ is constantly at the top.

My Utmost - Sept 27, 2009

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The “Go” Of Renunciation

Luke 9:57
“Lord, I will follow Thee whithersoever Thou goest.”

Key Passages

• Never apologize for your Lord. The words of the Lord hurt and offend until there is nothing left to hurt or offend.

• Jesus Christ has not tenderness whatever toward anything that is ultimately going to ruin a man in the service of God.

• Our Lord's answers are based not on caprice, but on a knowledge of what is in man.

• In a conflict of loyalty, obey Christ at all costs.

• When once the call of God comes, begin to go and never stop going.

My Own Thoughts

Not sure what to think about this section. The one question that came to mind while reading... what would Jesus hurt in me to thus make me the person he wants me to be? What is ruining me in his service that he would rip out of me? He knows all that is in me so how would I escape his painful words were he to meet me at the well and ask for something to drink? Would I walk away hurt that he confronted me on my wrongs and never want to see him again, or would I run to the nearest town and tell everyone of the amazing man at the well who just confronted me on every wrong thing I had ever done and straighten my life out to follow him?

I like to think I'd make the choice to follow. I don't think I could make any other choice once confronted by the painful, yet healing words of Christ. Sure they hurt, but you come out on the other side healed. It hurts to set a broken bone back in place, but in the end once healed it comes out stronger than before ( or so I hear ).

Dear Lord, what word would you give me today that would hurt / heal me? Speak into me Lord and destroy anything in me which may cause disloyalty to you. Open my ears to hear you call.