My Utmost - Sept 30, 2009

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The Commission Of The Call

Colossians 1:24
“Who now rejoice in my sufferings for you, and fill up that which is behind of the afflictions of Christ in my flesh for His body's sake.”

Key Passages

• We make calls out of our own spiritual consecration, but when we get right with God He brushes all these aside, and rivets us with a pain that is terrific to one thing we never dreamed of, and for one radiant moment we see what He is after, and we say - “Here am I, send me.”

• This call has nothing to do with personal sanctification, but with being made broken bread and poured out wine.

• If ever we are going to be made into wine, we will have to be crushed; you can not drink grapes.

• I wonder what kind of finger and thumb God has been using to squeeze you, and you have been like a marble and escaped?

My Own Thoughts

A lot of this one is over my head. Sometimes old Os rights a little too thick for my pea brain to comprehend. But I at least got a few things from it, and the main question I have is exactly that last key point. What area is God working on in my life that I have proven elusive to being crushed in? Where am I not allowing God to work in my life and to change me for His use?

God show me where I am not allowing you to work. Break through my sometimes thick skull Lord and show me where I am not allowing you in. Make me into broken bread and poured out wine for your kingdom Lord.

My Utmost - Sept 29, 2009

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The Consciousness Of The Call

1 Corinthians 9:16
“For necessity is laid upon me: yea, woe is unto me if I preach not the gospel!”

Key Passages

• We are apt to forget the mystical, supernatural touch of God.

• The realization of it (the Call Of God) in a man's life may come with a sudden thunder-clap or with a gradual dawning, but in whatever way it comes, it comes with the undercurrent of the supernatural, something that cannot be put into words

• At any moment there may break the sudden consciousness of this incalculable, supernatural, surprising call that has taken hold of your life - “I have chosen you.”

• If you have been obliterating the great supernatural call of God in your life, take a review of your circumstances and see where God has not been first, …

• If you agree with God's purpose He will bring not only your conscious life, but all the deeper regions of your life which you cannot get at, into harmony.

My Own Thoughts

“If you agree with God's purpose He will bring not only your conscious life, but all the deeper regions of your life which you cannot get at, into harmony.”

Dear Father in Heaven, I agree with your purposes. I have heard your voice and feel your call on my life. It is exactly as said here... a supernatural tugging on my heart that I can't deny. I do feel like I've been chosen by you. I want so badly to feel like all things have been pulled into harmony in my life. I know I am covering over your supernatural call at times by putting my own desires first. God, forgive me for putting myself and my desires before you and yours, and send your Spirit to fill me and pry my hands open so that I am not grasping for whatever it is I think I have gotten on my own. Let me hear your voice once again Father. Speak once again to me, to my heart, for its open wide. I am here to hear your beautiful voice.

My Utmost - Sept 28, 2009

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The “Go” Of Unconditional Identification

Mark 10:21
“One thing thou lackest... come, take up the cross and follow me.”

Key Passages

• … He puts absolute annihilation of my right to myself and identification with Himself – a relationship with Himself in which there is no other relationship.

• The look of Jesus will mean a heart broken forever from allegiance to any other person or thing.

• Where you are “soft” with God is where the Lord has looked at you.

• The only “good thing” from Jesus Christ's point of view is union with Himself and nothing in between.

• I must reduce myself until I am a mere conscious man, I must fundamentally renounce possessions of all kids, not to save my soul (only one thing saves a man – absolute reliance upon Jesus Christ) – but in order to follow Jesus.

My Own Thoughts

Renouncing possessions is no easy task. I like all the cool stuff I have. Guitars, computers, vehicles, our house.... all my toys. I often question myself if I could easily let go of all the stuff I have if I had to, to follow Jesus. I mean I am following him now, but I question myself on where He ranks somedays. And this doesn't just relate to physical possessions. It relates to immaterial stuff like my self image, the image I portray to others. Do I care more about the reflection of Christ I am being to those around me, than I care about my self image or reputation, or my toys? It's a question I think that needs asking each and every day, and every hour of each day. I think we have to constantly realign our interest and desires so that Christ is constantly at the top.

My Utmost - Sept 27, 2009

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The “Go” Of Renunciation

Luke 9:57
“Lord, I will follow Thee whithersoever Thou goest.”

Key Passages

• Never apologize for your Lord. The words of the Lord hurt and offend until there is nothing left to hurt or offend.

• Jesus Christ has not tenderness whatever toward anything that is ultimately going to ruin a man in the service of God.

• Our Lord's answers are based not on caprice, but on a knowledge of what is in man.

• In a conflict of loyalty, obey Christ at all costs.

• When once the call of God comes, begin to go and never stop going.

My Own Thoughts

Not sure what to think about this section. The one question that came to mind while reading... what would Jesus hurt in me to thus make me the person he wants me to be? What is ruining me in his service that he would rip out of me? He knows all that is in me so how would I escape his painful words were he to meet me at the well and ask for something to drink? Would I walk away hurt that he confronted me on my wrongs and never want to see him again, or would I run to the nearest town and tell everyone of the amazing man at the well who just confronted me on every wrong thing I had ever done and straighten my life out to follow him?

I like to think I'd make the choice to follow. I don't think I could make any other choice once confronted by the painful, yet healing words of Christ. Sure they hurt, but you come out on the other side healed. It hurts to set a broken bone back in place, but in the end once healed it comes out stronger than before ( or so I hear ).

Dear Lord, what word would you give me today that would hurt / heal me? Speak into me Lord and destroy anything in me which may cause disloyalty to you. Open my ears to hear you call.

My Utmost - Sept 26, 2009

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The Unblameable Attitude

Matthew 5:23
“If... thou rememberest that thy brother has ought against thee....”

Key Passages

• Never object to the intense sensitiveness of the Spirit of God in you when He is educating you down to the scruple.

• The stamp of the saint is that he can waive his own rights and obey the Lord Jesus.

• The process is clearly marked. First, the heroic spirit of self-sacrifice, then the sudden checking by the sensitiveness of the Holy Spirit, and the stoppage at the point of conviction, then the way of obedience to the word of God, constructing an unblameable attitude of mind and temper to the one with whom you have been in the wrong; then the glad, simple, unhindered offering of your gift to God.

My Own Thoughts

I've been reading a lot about the Holy Spirit lately, and hearing a lot about it, and feeling like His presence is becoming more real to me. It's been awesome... and its also been exhausting. It seems to be a continuous and constant fight to give up my will and normal way of doing things in exchange for doing things the way of the Holy Spirit and allowing Him to have complete control. He (the Spirit) is always present. An idea that needs to be pounded through my head.

I say this because it's His sensitiveness that I feel impeding in on my natural life as of late. I welcome it because it proves His existence to me. The fact that He is making Himself more present to me is comforting. I am working on the waiving of all my rights to myself and allowing the Spirit complete control. I believe it is work. It is work to train your self to think a certain way. To make yourself not react to certain circumstances in the same exact way you always have, but to take the minute and to give the situation over the Holy Spirit that He may work through you to accomplish what would be the will of God in this particular situation.

Dear Father, continue your pursuit of me. I desire to disappear. I desire that you would become apparent through my life.

My Utmost - Sept 25, 2009

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The “Go” Of Relationship

Matthew 5:41
“And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain.”

Key Passages

• The summing up of Our Lord's teaching is that the relationship which He demands is an impossible one unless He has done a supernatural work in us.

• No enthusiasm will ever stand the strain that Jesus Christ will put upon His worker, only one thing will, and that is a personal relationship to Himself...

• … I am here for God to send me where He will.

• The Sermon on the Mount is not an ideal, it is a statement of what will happen in me when Jesus Christ has altered my disposition and put in a disposition like His own.

• “I have chosen you.” That is the way grace begins. It is a constraint we cannot get away from; we can disobey it, but we cannot generate it.

My Own Thoughts

That first line “The summing up...” is a bit of a relief to me, as well as a point of anxiety. The idea that the life God wants me to live is impossible without Him doing an amazing work in me brings me relief because I think “no wonder this is so hard, I am trying to do it all myself.” At the same time it causes me anxiety because I wonder if God is trying to perform that supernatural act in me that would make the life He desires for me to live a possibility, but I am holding it back somehow. Either consciously, or subconsciously.

I have seen myself crash on so many instances when I got all fired up for God, like I was going to go out there and save the world. The reason I always crash is because I come back down to earth and the realization that the life God wants for me to live is a very difficult life to live... when I am trying to do it myself. I need that supernatural act from God.

I believe God has chosen me. For that I am unbelievably grateful that His grace is enough for me and for my salvation.

Dear Father in Heaven... You are amazing, all sufficient, and graceful. Even to someone like me. Undeserving of your grace and your call on my life. Work your will out through me and around me. Don't let enthusiasm be my downfall, but strengthen me through it and show me how to truly let myself go and allow you to work through me.

My Utmost - Sept 24, 2009

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The “Go” Of Preparation

Matthew 5:23-24
“Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there thou rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.”

Key Passages

• It is easy to imagine that we will get to a place where we are complete and ready, but preparation is not suddenly accomplished, it is a process steadily maintained.

• “First be reconciled to your brother.” The “go” of preparation is to let the word of God scrutinize. The sense of heroic sacrifice is not good enough. The thing the Holy Spirit is detecting in you is the disposition that will never work in His service.

• Are you willing to obey your Lord and Master whatever the humiliation to your right to yourself may be?

• Never discard a conviction.

• You were looking for a great thing to give up. God is telling you of some tiny thing; but at the back of it there lies the central citadel of obstinacy: I will not give up my right to myself – the thing God intends you to give up if ever you are going to be a disciple of Jesus Christ.

My Own Thoughts

So many places this applies in life. In my marriage its an obvious application. I come to God all the time in prayer and instantly remember some scuffle the wife and I may have just had. We come to it together when we pray together. We usually spend time praying together in the van on the way to work. However, the mornings are usually crazy and hectic getting three kids together for school or ready for daycare. Needless to say, some mornings we get “tense” with each other. That makes for a rough prayer time really. How can we expect to truly connect with God in prayer when we can connect to each other and forgive each other for whatever has come to pass that morning? Or how can we go to prayer together when we are both at our wits ends with the kids? Can we come to our Lord while we are angry with each other or others? “The sense of heroic sacrifice is not good enough.” That line couldn't be more true. I get grandiose visions of being some sort of heroic sacrificial Christian man, but I can't even make simple sacrifice for my family, those closest to me whom I love.

I am as obstinate as any. I get big ideas about how I could be an amazing servant for God, but my follow through is weak because I am at some very deeply rooted level, unwilling to give up my handle on myself, my way, my plans.

Dear Father, I praise you for being a God who loves those undeserving of love. I pray that your will be done in my life, my marriage, in my kids lives and that you'd use me in whatever way you see fit. Provide for us only as you see that we need on any given day. Forgive me Father for my selfishness and unwillingness to let your Spirit have complete control. Lead me Father into the way that you would have me follow, and not the way that I would choose for myself.

My Utmost - Sept 23, 2009

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The Missionary's Goal

Luke 18:31
“Behold, we go up to Jerusalem.”

Key Passages

• The aim of the missionary is to do God's will, not to be useful, not to win the heathen; he is useful and he does win the heathen, but that is not his aim. His aim is to do the will of his Lord.

• Neither gratitude nor ingratitude turned our Lord one hair's breadth away from His purpose to go up to Jerusalem.

• “The disciple is not above his Master.” The same things will happen to us on our way to our Jerusalem.

• There will be the works of God manifested through us, people will get blessed, and one or two will show gratitude and the rest will show gross ingratitude, but nothing must deflect us from going up to our Jerusalem.

My Own Thoughts

Not a lot to go on tonight because I am pretty tired. Real quick though... a major weakness of mine is the need to have approval and gratitude from people. I struggle with this one all the time and it leads to a lot of my frustration and stress in life. I have a need to know that I am filling some gap somewhere and that I am worth something to someone. What a huge weight off the shoulders though once I get it through my head that I don't have to win approval from anyone. I already have it from the only One that it matters to have it from anyway. I don't have to worry about getting people saved, or living a right life, or being useful. I am all these things already. I need only to do the will of the God.

God show me your will today that I might accomplish it. Whether I am aware that I am accomplishing it or not. Use me in whatever way you see fit Lord.

My Utmost - Sept 22, 2009

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The Missionary's Master

John 13:13
“Ye call me Master and Lord; and ye say well; for so I am.”

Key Passages

• To have a master and to be mastered is not the same thing.

• To have a master means that there is one who knows me better than I know myself, one who is closer than a friend, one who fathoms the remotest abyss of my heart and satisfies it, one who has brought me into the secure sense that He has met and solved every perplexity and problem of my mind.

• Our Lord never enforces obedience; He does not take means to make me do what He wants.

• Master and Lord have little place in our vocabulary, we prefer the words Saviour, Sanctifier, Healer.

• In the Bible obedience is based on the relationship of equals, that of a son with his father. Our Lord was not God's servant, He was His Son.

• He wants us in the relationship in which He is easily Master without our conscious knowledge of it, all we know is that we are His to obey.

My Own Thoughts

I love the way Chambers words the idea of having a master... “To have a master means that there is one who knows me better than I know myself, one who is closer than a friend, one who fathoms the remotest abyss of my heart and satisfies it, one who has brought me into the secure sense that He has met and solved every perplexity and problem of my mind.” This whole sentence speaks so deeply to me that its hard to not choke up. My downfall is that I forget I have this master. Somebody who knows me like this. I sit and cry out to know and be known, all the while... I am known.

One piece of imagery that gets to me every time is the image of a father playing with his kids. Picking them up and embracing them, bringing them the sense of security, safety, and love. This idea of a father who knows his children intimately and deeply is something that I strive for myself as a father, it's what I miss about my relationship with my dad, and its what I long for in a very real sense with my heavenly Father. My relationship with my dad was great, and continues to be great. However, I truly miss being picked up by my dad and hugged and completely engulfed in his strength and his love for me. When my dad hugged me I could instantly tell that he loved me completely without condition, and would do anything for me to keep me safe and make it known that he loved me and was proud of me. He was my master as a kid. I want that same thing for my kids. I want that for myself again with my heavenly Father. I know its here for me now, but I can't wait for the day that I actually see and hear and feel His very presence with me in the immediate.

My Utmost - Sept 21, 2009

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Missionary Predestinations

Isaiah 49:5
“And now, saith the Lord, that formed me from the womb to be His servant.”

Key Passages

• The first thing that happens after we have realized our election to God in Christ Jesus is the destruction of our prejudices and our parochial notions and our patriotisms; we are turned into servants of God's own purpose.

• The whole of human race was created to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.

• Sin has switched the human race onto another track, but it has not altered God's purpose in the tiniest degree, and when we are born again we are brought into the realization of God's great purpose for the human race, viz., I am created for God, He made me.

• The first thing God will do with us is to “force through the channels of a single heart” the interests of the whole world. The love of God, the very nature of God, is introduced into us, and the nature of Almighty God is focused on John 3:16 - “God so loved the world...”

• We have to maintain our soul open to the fact of God's creative purpose, and not muddle it with our own intentions.

My Own Thoughts

I am created for God and for His purposes. Sounds good to me. Takes a lot of pressure off from me with trying to come up with my own plans. I mean that seriously. How freeing it can be in those “every once in a while” times when I can really let go of all my plans and ambitions and just accept the fact that God has a plan for me. I am His for His eternal glorification, and He is mine for my eternal salvation and life.

My own intentions do get in the way sometimes. Specifically these last couple years I can see it. My trying to make it on my own. God keeps showing me over and over again that all the things that happen in my life, whether good at the time or bad, seem to work themselves out along the path of bringing me to a better understanding of God and a sense of His closeness and realness.

A statement I've made in the past that seems like something too smart sounding to have come out of my mouth... “When I look to the future I can't see God, but when I look at my past I can't deny that He is real and that He has been working.” So what does the future hold? How do I answer that question? I look at my past. I see that God has always been there for me, even in some dark times, and that God has always worked things out and had a grand plan that has brought me to where I am now to be used in the way I am being used now.

My Utmost - Sept 20, 2009

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The Divine Rule Of Life

Matthew 5:48
“Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect.”

Key Passages

• “If we walk in the light as God is in the light,” God will give us communion with people for whom we have no natural affinity.

• To be a disciple means that we deliberately identify ourselves with God's interests in other people. “That ye love one another; as I have loved you...”

• The expression of Christian character is not good doing, but God-likeness.

• God's life in us expresses itself as God's life, not as human life trying to be godly.

• The secret of the Christian is that the supernatural is made natural in him by the grace of God, and the experience of this works out in the practical details of life, not in times of communion with God.

My Own Thoughts

“God will give us communion with people for whom we have no natural affinity”... boy thats funny. I was just a family reunion today :) Just kidding. But it brings up a good point and one that I struggle with constantly and I am sure that many of us all struggle with. Communing (hanging out with) people that we would never hang out with naturally. I am not good at this at all. I like to stick to the people that make me comfortable, and when one person who might be a little “off” comes along, I avoid them like the plague, or better yet, I pick up on their weirdness and make fun of them. Maybe not to anyone else other than myself, but even then, I do it. I am a jerk. Nice to meet you.

I need this saving ability of the Holy Spirit to change my perceptions on people. Sometimes I am open to the Spirit and I feel like I can be used anywhere. However other days, I would much rather not interact with anyone I find to be different, than to have to do the hard work of letting go of everything thing I am gripping and letting the Spirit take over.

What a great relief it would be to let the Spirit have control of me. “God's life in us expresses itself as God's life, not as human life trying to be godly.” No more trying. I long for the natural flow of the Holy Spirit through me. Come Spirit, wake me. I've been sleeping.

My Utmost - Sept 19

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Do You Continue To Go With Jesus?

Luke 22:28
“Ye are they which have continued with Me in My temptations.”

Key Passages

1. We wear His badge, but are we going with Him? “From that time many of His disciples went back and walked no more with Him.”
2. The temptations of Jesus continued throughout His earthly life, and they will continue throughout the life of the Son of God in us. Are we going with Jesus in the life we are living now?
3. We have the idea that we ought to shield ourselves from some of the things God brings round us. Never! God engineers circumstances and whatever they may be like we have to see that we face them while abiding continually with Him in His temptations.
4. Do you continue to go with Jesus? The way lies through Gethsemane, through the city gate, outside the camp; the way lies alone, and the way lies until there is no trace of a footstep left, only the voice, “Follow Me.”

My Own Thoughts

I think the first point hits me the hardest here. "We wear His badge, but are we going with Him." Kinda conjures up the imagery of the crusades to me. I'm a member of the "God" party, thinking I am doing what He wants, or maybe just doing what I want and saying that it's God who really wants it. Did I stop following Him a long time ago, go home, and now I am just telling my buddies of all the great stories I have with my buddy God? I know this is where I am at quite often. I have been convicted lately of my own attitude, and in my being a part of the church body and family. I quite often think I am just there to get my weekly dosage of God, then I am off to my week with no more change of attitude or life than I had before I got to church. Did I gather there to worship a God whom I say I love, or was I just serving myself? It positions me in the place of being an enemy of the God I like to say I serve. It's a scary thing to say out loud that you are an enemy of God. But that is the position I am putting myself in when I just get in His way. That is my temptation... to float through life comfortably never taking God seriously. Then I wonder why I struggle with feeling loved and validated, and worth anything to anyone. The enemy has me so deceived into serving and looking after myself that I don't even want to look up and around or anywhere away from myself. And when people don't look after me the way I want them to, I think they don't love me. When that somebody else is God, and I think He is ignoring me, I think He doesn't love me. This in spite of me knowing that He loves me much more than I could understand.

So Father forgive me for being a self-centered, self-worshiping individual. God help me to take my eyes off myself and look around at others who may have a need I can be used by you to fill. Forgive me for being your enemy.

My Utmost For His Highest

This book has been sneaking its way back into my regular daily reading. I had this idea to post each day to a blog post with some key passages from it to share with you all. Oswald Chambers really is a genius and the passages have something for me everyday that I need to hear. Other than the Bible, this book seems to speak to me more than any other ever. Although some CS Lewis books and Dallas Willard are working their way in there as well. Anyway, I don't know that I will actually be faithful in posting each and every days reading because let's be honest, I haven't be loyal in posting anything in quite a while, but I promise to give it a try. So keep your eyes open for the upcoming posts and I hope they work their way into you...

Still Frame Available On Noisetrade Now!

I uploaded my first album to noisetrade as well, and I threw in a couple of bonus tracks, a couple of those being fun ones we made along the way. Thanks to my buddy Jon Hodge for the "clean" version of Bittersweet End... Check it out... It's free!